It’s time for me to step away, at least for the most part.

Over the past couple decades, I’ve been an avid social media user. Twitter, especially, I loved. I joined there in 2008. I spent, probably, two or three hours a day on there, plus others like Facebook, Instagram, etc. I know that’s not much compared to some people, but I was decently “online.” I loved the inside humor, mostly, but also the opportunity it gave to encounter and appreciate excellence in all its many forms: amazing images, breathtaking videos, music, the news, not to mention the direct connection it offered to so many of my heroes as well as my peers, family, and friends.

But I think that might have been rose-colored glasses from the very beginning. I didn’t see the whole picture, not until 2016, which was admittedly very late. I’ve never been a gamer, so I missed the “-gate” that consumed that world. I’m a man, so I never had the vitriol thrown at me. And I’m white, so I didn’t get the racism. It wasn’t until we elected a TV personality narcissist that I realized the full scope of social media, the totality of what was really going on under its massive umbrella, and it changed everything for me. Slowly, but here I am, finally.

Social media is a net-negative.

It’s made my life worse. It’s made all of our lives worse. It still has all those wonderful things, but look at where we are. We’re more divided than ever. More angry. More on edge. Things are getting worse, not better, and social media is at the heart of that. I think the moment of clarity—the singular point of most toxicity—that I can point to is that it is a wholly unfit forum to hold a conversation. I’ve found it, quite literally, to be impossible to have a healthy, reasoned, heartfelt discussion on any platform. There’s no context, no tone, no nuance—none of the things that keep a face-to-face talk so enriching (most of the time).

There’s two reasons for this I can think of off the top of my head.

First, social media is reductive—125 characters or less. 60 seconds or less. Bite-sized bits, because we’re all just scrolling. That’s fine for a dope-ass photo, or a setup and a punchline, or even a headline…but it’s terrible for everything else, and it’s impossible to keep the rest of the world off of social media, because we put everything on there, its hardwired into us. If we’re there, all the shit is going to come out eventually, and social media just isn’t suited for it. Social media also lives for the refresh and the scroll. Attention spans on a social media app are measured in fractions of a second. Social media lives entirely in the moment, all news is live news, all thought is extemporaneous, and all ‘takes’ are on the fly. These apps, by their very architecture, reduce the capacity for authentic, thoughtful, nuanced communication—they are too small, and too fast.

Second, the algorithms thrive off all the very most intense aspects of humanity: sensationalism, joy and exhilaration, yes, but also rage, competition, fear, and obsession. Why? Because the algorithms are juiced to boost engagement, and nothing engages better than all of the most intense stuff we humans have to offer. So, see, the highest highs and lowest lows are literally shoved to us by those computer programs trying to keep us on the app for just a little bit longer, and a bit longer, and a bit longer. There is no easy middle. It’s either heaven or hell. Ecstasy or despair.  

It takes its toll. For me, I’ve done a very good job overall of not engaging with the “drama.” I’m not perfect by any means, but I took pains very early on to not feed the trolls, to stay away from bait—either posting it or responding to it. I did my best to keep my bubble happy and healthy. But, there is no running from it. It is everywhere, because it is built into the makeup of social media. And I’ve finally realized that really, what I really need to do, is simply step away.

Social media is not healthy. For me. For you. For anyone. Primarily, this post isn’t about convincing you to agree with me or do the same thing that I am doing, it’s about me explaining my actions…but the secondary aim of this post is an appeal to you. I truly believe we should all step away from social media and let it die in our absence. It isn’t making our lives better—in the aggregate, when all of it has been weighed and measured, social media is making our lives worse.

I’m not going to be deleting my accounts. At least not right now. I just won’t be using them. I’ll be deleting the apps from my phone and from my iPad. Really, I’ll be re-training myself to not use them, not to pull my phone out of my pocket every time I have a moment of respite, pulling up Threads or IG and scrolling for a few minutes, checking my notifications to see if why I posted got any likes or comments. It’s going to be hard at first, but it is the right thing for me to do. I remember leaving Twitter and feeling so much angst over losing that app. I was afraid of how much I would miss it.

But I didn’t.

I don’t miss Twitter at all. What a relief. And an eye-opening realization.

So…where WILL I be?

Here. Still posting a journal every day, which you will see aggregated to my socials. And I will still check those accounts for comments and messages and the like every so often from my computer. So, I’m not going to disappear from being “online.” You can still reach me if you want to. I just won’t be OUT there. I’ll be here.

And I’ll be out in real life. It’d be disingenuous to act like the decision to leave social media right now wasn’t connected to the fact that Donald Trump is president again, and I just can’t go through another four years of the bullshit landslide that’s coming, especially online. But it would be stupid to bury my head in the sand in that regard: these next four years require fight from all of us. My contention is not that we shouldn’t fight, but rather that the battlefield isn’t social media…it’s out in real life. So, I’ll be heading there, too. I intend to volunteer with an organization of some kind, the ACLU, perhaps, or something to do with protecting trans people, or immigrants. Something local. Something further-reaching, too, perhaps. I haven’t chosen one yet, but that’s next on the list. I expect to make far, far more of a difference this time around than I ever did trying to engage my MAGA friends and family in a state of shock back in 2016/17. That wasn’t—isn’t—worth it. Getting out there and working hands-on is.

I’ll also do my diligence to stay informed. I’m doubling down on NPR. Podcasts. Monetary support. Maybe even volunteer work there, too. We’ll see. But that’s going to be my primary news source. I’m done with Apple News, done with the New York Times, the LA Times, or the Washington Post. They’re all owned by billionaires, and billionaires are ruining this country.

So…that’s why I’m leaving social media. I hope it makes sense. And I hope it’s not a mistake. I don’t think it is, but if it turns out to be, I’ll come back. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe leaving will make things worse. I hope not. That’s not my intention. But, social media is a toxic place, and the only thing you can do with a toxic relationship is leave it. So I am.

See you here, or out in the real world.