Tonight’s amazingly creepy artwork is from an uncredited artist.
I had more clarity today, I think, in regards to what the hell I want to do with my life 😛
And it was this: I think I have to live with this duality a little bit longer. The duality of wanting to be my own boss and work from home and write novels, and also wanting very much to write for television and get a break in that area. They’re two different worlds, for sure, but they are absolutely intimately related.
So, practically speaking, what that means is that I realized I just need to make some goals, and then follow through on them. Then, reevaluate in another few months. It’s a temporary fix, but it’s also one that I know will work. Those goals are going to be to first and foremost make one phone call every week, and one email every week…and these are cold calls to people I don’t know, looking for contact information, who to talk to, and who might be hiring assistants/PAs. The next major goal is going to be to get a rewrite done of Icarus in a set amount of time. I haven’t sketched that out yet, but that’s on the agenda for tomorrow once my editing work is done. Icarus needs to be 55 pages. Period. It can be done. It will be done. Finally, it will be to also spend an additional writing hour during my non-editing days for the next set number of weeks getting an outline done of my next novel so that I can start writing that by around Halloween time. Also tacked on to this last area of goals is to get Starstuff into an e-reader format so that I can have a few more people read that, collect some feedback, and then be able maybe around the new year start on another draft of that.
That’s putting in REAL advancement on both fronts of the writing war…I realize what I *really* want is a foot in the door on either front. A ball to start rolling in the real world, not just in my own apartment or (worse) head…but out there. I’m not sure if it’s because I haven’t felt ready or what, but it’s time to BE ready. No more dicking around. If things take off in the TV land, then I’d clearly feel ready to pursue that with more focus…if things take on in the novelist world, then I’d focus on that. But…I’m just not at the point yet, I guess, where I am ready to throw in the towel on one of them focus-wise. If the nature of trying to please both of them at the same time continues after a few months toparalyze me…well, then, that can help me make my decision I guess.
I do know this: I haven’t FINISHED any of these projects yet, and I haven’t put myself out there for rejection…or acceptance. So, perhaps THOSE are my hurdles to surmount, guys, and *not* the needing to choose one or the other between TV and books.
Tomorrow, I set up some timelines for these goals, or at least start to. It may take a couple sessions. Then…as this motherfucking blog is my witness…I’m going to follow through on those goals. Stretch myself. Swallow my fears. Be a finisher.
Jesus christ…wish me luck.
Also…this is 700 posts. Seven HUNDRED. I honestly had no idea when I started this thing that I would go this far. I feel like I have so far to go…but sometimes these things happen in spurts, you know? And false starts. It’s so hard to change…so fucking hard. But I want what I want…and I need to BE what I want.
First, I think I’m going to go back and read my century-mark posts from the previous 100 to 600…markers in time. See where I’ve come from. Help me see where I am, and where I’m going.