These days off, man…they can kill me sometimes.
I was vacillating between feeling damned happy and carefree, and an absolute wreck all day. About nothing at all, really, in either case. Just the feels…you know…because I wasn’t actually doing anything.
It makes me wonder if I need to stop and not actually do anything for a little while. Sort through those feelings. Sit with them for a while instead of pushing them aside. I’m not totally convinced, though, that’s called for. See…they’re really only feelings of self-doubt and insecurity.
I mean, fuck, I almost sat down and wrote a piece I was probably going to call something like “The Scariest Story In All of Space and Time is The Story That Was Never Written.” Or swap out “scariest” with “worst” or “boring-est.” I have feelings like that sometimes, that I’m a complete failure because I simply don’t spend enough time doing my craft. And while that is objectively true…sitting around and worrying about isn’t going to do fuck-all to make me feel better about that fear. The only thing that will make me feel better is to sit down and DO something about it.
And so I did. It feels like forever since I’ve written…in reality, I think it’s been two days. That’s progress, right? Maybe.
I’m starting a pledge right now that for the next week, so starting tomorrow and running through next Friday…a pledge that I will put in my goddamn writing hour for the next seven days. Come hell or high water, I will fucking do that shit. It’s so simple.
I had a conversation with my dad today about “simple” versus “easy.” They are NOT the same thing. It’s a very “simple” pledge to make that I’m going to spend a full hour each day writing…but is that shit “easy?” Hell no. Obviously. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have issues doing it every day.
So, yea…I did my writing hour. Worked on my Trek short story. It’s not perfect, you guys. I feel “rusty” with it…but I’m going to forge ahead. Finish the story, and then hopefully what it needs to be will become clear at that point, and my rewrites can be more specific.
I’m fading, you guys. Truthfully. It’s sleepy time. I feel a bit better today. Not whole completely, but better. Hopefully that continues tomorrow. Tomorrow is an editing work day. But it’s also day two of the one-week challenge.
Bit size. Or “fun size” if you’re a Snickers bar. A little piece at a time. Move a whole mountain that way…
Yup, time to haul it in. Not making sense any more. Good night!