I’ve decided that I feel “ephemeral” today. Not to be confused with ethereal, which I almost did…but caught myself and was like, waaaaiiittt a minute, that’s not right.
Ephemeral means short-lived or brief, but it also means transitory and something that’s there, but can’t be seen. “Evanescent” is closer to the last bit, but it’s also a synonym to ephemoral, so the english nazis can suck it.
I don’t mean any of this in some sort of dramatic way, like I feel the world can’t see me…no, I just mean that *today* felt transitory. There, but not there. I worked, but I didn’t kill it. I wrote, but I can’t really tell you what I wrote. I went to a writers’ meeting tonight, but even that felt like floating. I remember what other people said, but I can’t really remember what I said.
I’m not used to that feeling. Impermanence. Like my focus is wide-beam instead of narrowed in, and like my memory is gold-fish-like.
I *think* it means I’m tired, and possibly slightly depressed. It happens, guys. Depression just happens sometimes. I know it’s been triggered by the upsetting of the apple-cart with this new job, the office move, and the impending end of 2015. Oh, and the time change/seasonal change of the sun being so much less bright.
For sure. All those things have contributed to this feeling of the ephemeral…but I will say this: I’m slogging through it. I *did* work today. I *did* write today. I *did* go to my meeting today and share my work, which I rreeaaaalllyyy didn’t want to do. I did all those things, and usually they make me remember who I am, what I’m saying, and what I’m doing.
Not today. But they will again soon. I have faith. I also have this blog, which if I read my entries will reflect that I was here not too long ago with these same feelings, and it all turned out okay in the end.
Perspective. It’s what the ephemeral need.