Here’s who stays: Data, Picard, Spock, Bones, Kirk (as long as he’s always with Spock), Worf, Barclay (so much Barclay), LaForge (has his own version of the Kirk-rule, always has to stay around Data), Riker, Guinan, Garak, Bashir (has to be around O’Brien all the time), O’Brien, Sisko (cuz he’s crazy), Kira, Odo, Quark without a doubt forever, Janeway gets to stay (barely), Seven, The Doctor, Sulu, Chekhov, Scotty, and Porthos. And Spot, too.

Here’s who dies: everyone else, especially the crew of Enterprise (the NX-01). Numero uno on the death-time list: T’Pol and her stupid stupid.

Them’s the rules, guys. Them’s the rules. I realize it’s a massive sausage festival on Ira’s Star Trek Island, but that’s Trek’s fault, not mine.

So I hope you like sausage.