I didn’t get everything done today I’d wanted. Not by a long shot. Some of it was just the way it is, and some of it was self-sabotage.
It’s a struggle. Every day, man. A struggle to get everything done I want to get done and not feel weighted down by my own frustrations and insecurities. I still got work done today. Oh, and I got to see Josh, and we talked over his film, which he handed off to me for editing work, and I went over this Sundance document that I’m working on.
The Sundance document proved to be not as “close” as I had been hoping. That’s a continuing frustration. But, goddamnit, I’m going to keep at it tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day. Fresh perspectives, new insights…new blank pages to fill. I find myself doubting the effort it takes to create a document like this – it’s definitely not a skill I have in my skill-bag (you know, “skill-bag”…a bag where one stores their skills). This is all new to me. I feel lost much of the time.
But, goddamnit, I will say this…it is GETTING BETTER. Working in a vacuum is tough, which is why the goal must be to get through that work as quickly as possible so that it may be passed along to other eyes.
That’s basically what Josh was articulating to me today about his movie, that he’s simultaneously terrified and relieved to be passing it to someone else. I know exactly how he feels. The refining process can be difficult and disheartening. It’s not pure creation, it’s the fixing, the distilling, and the polishing of all that initial spewing. It can be elating when things are going well, and crushing when they’re not. It’s definitely a roller coaster ride.
In any event…I shall slay those dragons tomorrow. The fight is not to be waged tonight. Tonight, rest.
Tomorrow…work. WERK.