I’m currently on page 268 of 334 of my novel. Well over 2/3 of the way through, which was my minimum goal today. My max goal was to have that fucker read and done…but I also knew that I’m going to be spending a solid 4 hours+ up in a tenant’s apartment tomorrow while they get a new AC unit installed…and the only work I can really do up there is working on the book…so there’s that.
I will have finished the read-through tomorrow. It was supposed to take me one day…it took me 5. Fucking sue me.
I feel…much better about it. There’s actually a novel inside all those pages…I could clearly see that today. Lots of work to be done on it, but the novel is actually there. It exists. I did write one. It has some excitement, some surprises, some memorable images and lines…there is some good work in there. It was heartening to see. I’d been so down on it. Reading the pages I read today and seeing the difference in them between some of the other pages that had dragged, it was a major learning experience, man. Seeing WHY these pages were working was eye-opening. It all has to do with stakes, obstacles, and character. I understand now why we must be cruel to our characters. How much LIFE that cruelty breathes into our stories, and makes us want to read faster and find out if they’re going to be okay.
What a fucking metaphor for life, right? May we all be the heroes of our own stories, facing the slings and arrows of life so that we might emerge on the other side better for the struggle. I can see so clearly tonight why we write our stories the way that we do.
Anyway…the other lesson of the evening is to just keep writing, guys. Whenever you’re feeling like you’re a hack, a worthless piece of shit, and that it doesn’t matter what you do, even if by some miracle it’s actually any good, no one is going to notice it anyway and you’re going to die a miserable prolonged and tortured death…yeah…whenever you’re feeling THAT…just put your head down and find a way to keep writing. Just keep banging away and doing your best in whatever shitty mood you’re in…because I GUARANTEE YOU you will end up coming out of that shit pile feeling better, and it won’t really *matter* if any of that darkness is true or not because you will have FINISHED some goddamn work.
It doesn’t matter if I fail as long as I keep writing. Just keep writing. I’ll succeed eventually.
I truly, truly believe that.
That’s all I got for you tonight, really. I did laundry, I went grocery shopping, and I did narrations. Like a boss. THAT’S a fucking Sunday, bitches.
So much cursing tonight.
Peace.