We’re home. And not scheduled to go out of town now for a while. At least for me. The Ho has some duties to attend to coming up in a few weeks…but man, this stretch from the middle of April through this weekend was pretty active.
I almost wrote “brutal,” but how is going to see a concert down in San Diego “brutal?” It’s not. It’s awesome 😛
Woke up late, took care of the pups, had breakfast, walked around a bit. Then we checked out and drove home. Well, we actually drove J straight to the airport, then picked up something nice for our fellow managers who covered a building incident for us. THEN we got home.
Fed the pups, unpacked, I took a shower…and then the Ho and I passed the fuck out for a much-needed nap. I was OUT. As per usual when I’m particularly tired 😛
Woke up and walked the pups. That was nice. Feel like I haven’t done that in forever. It was beautiful out there. Mid 60s. Perfect weather to go out and do something like golf or play tennis…but alas, I have simply not had the time recently to do that, nor have I made it a priority.
I feel like I’m wasting my days, you guys. I had a goal. I had a goal to write 3 pages a day, and I’ve strayed from that goal. There are so many reasons why it’s happened, but it’s still true; I have. I’m also feeling incredibly foolish for abandoning the rewrite of Starstuff. I’m feeling like that was a mistake. I know a part of that decision was just being afraid that I won’t be able to fix it, to make it as good as it needs to be. Right now I’m feeling like 1) that’s thinking incredibly negatively, and 2) it being as good as I want it to be is far, far less important than finishing it, learning from it, and using that learned knowledge to make the next project better.
This Netflix project has been on my mind a lot lately, as has been making money. Worrying about, if we move, that work will dry up for me, and then how will we pay for an apartment. That giving up the “free” rent that we have is going to be a mistake. I need to remember that life most often gives us what we expect. Not all the time…but most of the time. If you look long-term, take the wide angle, the macro look…life gives us what we put in. I should trust that I will find the work that I need. I should trust that my gut telling me it’s time to move on from the responsibilities of this building. I should trust that my gut tells me I can make a living selling my stories. I should believe that. I should expect that.
It’s just hard, yo. It’s really, really fucking hard. I don’t have an answer for that yet, except that I’m very grateful that I sit down every night and think, here in these entries, about who I am, where I’ve been each day, what’s going through my mind, and how I’m feeling. Externalizing my feelings really helps me find perspective, you guys. Perhaps not “answers,” but at least some perspective.
My perspective right now is that tomorrow, the writing needs to continue. Then some work. And some rest.
Rest, right now, is what I need.
Oh, and the Ho and I went to go see X-Men: Apocalypse tonight and it was pretty terrible. Script was a freaking mess. A shame. The last movie was pretty good. Even the VFX in this movie were bad. Also, the Warriors won an insane game 6 tonight. In OKC. I really, really didn’t think they had it in them. But they did. Bravo to them. If they win game 7, I’ll never count them out again.
Good night.