I didn’t do shit today. Except watch some Olympics. Whew! I needed today, I really did…and I think I need tomorrow, too. Just feelin that fatigue, you know?
I’ve been thinking a lot today about following through…i.e.- there are some things that I haven’t followed through on after having *finished* a project. Namely, My pilot script Icarus and using it as a writing sample to introduce myself to the world of TV writing. I really should sent it out, at least the first 10 pages of it, and see if I get any bites. The feedback I keep getting from these contests I’ve submitted it to is that it’s a strong script. At the very least a strong writing sample. And to be honest, the only reason I haven’t done it is because I’m afraid of rejection and awkward conversations. You know what, as I type that, I’m not even scared of rejection…it’s the awkward conversations that terrify me.
I really do mean that…it’s not just some cliche – picking up a phone and cold calling somewhere to try and get them to take a resume and a script and maybe hire me quite literally makes my stomach churn. I wish it wasn’t true, and it *feels* embarrassingly cliche…but it is true.
And, here’s the thing: I genuinely do like writing prose more than writing scripts. This is, as we say in our household, a panda truth. BUT…I definitely improved dramatically over the course of writing Icarus, and I *do* genuinely think that I could hack TV writing and eventually even be quite good at it. I have the personality to thrive in TV, I think. It’s all conjecture, of course, and I obviously haven’t ever actually done it…but I do think I *could*…and maybe even be happy doing it. But…
…I haven’t made the phone calls or sent the emails, or done the mailings. I came up against that earlier this year and it nearly gave me a panic attack and so I stepped away from it and decided to enter some contests and write prose instead. But, the feedback from the contests has been good…and I keep listening to podcasts where TV writers are talking about how much demand there is for writers right now, and while it’s a tough business to crack into…once you do, there is a lot of work. And, I guess the other part of it is that it’s sinking in how there is no easy way to do any of this…and in order to “make” it all happen, you just have to START somewhere and then keep going. Deciding to be an assistant for a TV show doesn’t mean that my one and only path lies in television. No, quite the opposite…it’s nearly one small success on a road filled with more successes and a lot more failures. No matter what happens, I should never stop writing my novels, or my scripts, and I should never stop trying to make as many contacts in as many different areas of writing (like TV) as I possibly can.
So, I guess what I feel tonight is disappointment in myself. And fear. And perhaps a little boldness that maybe now is the right time to give that fear a tight hug, bring in close, and see if I can’t squeeze out some action from it. Maybe I’m ready?
Wish me luck on that, I suppose. It’s terrible timing to be ready for something like that, at least for the Network shows. Staffing season for all that was three months ago. But…that feels beside the point right now. The win would simply be to START, something I haven’t done. There are two people in particular that I should start with. One who’s actually already read Icarus, and the other who’s heard my voice before, but never met me.
That’s what I’ll be thinking about as I go to bed tonight…
…Fortune favors the Bold.