Man, so today was a weird day. I was up and down all day, for no real reason. Except perhaps that my schedule was a bit wonky because we had some stuff to take care of that threw off my morning routine.
I didn’t write today. I knew it was going to be like that given that the morning was full of other things that really did have to be attended to. I think that’s part of what threw me off…but it’s also that I didn’t get all the work done I needed to, and while I was scrambling to try and get that stuff done, I was doing research on the landscape of being an indie author, and that kind of stuff tends to really, really stress me out. Honestly, it’s not THAT scary out there. There are plenty of success stories. Really. Amazon’s bestseller list in genre fiction, in fact, is DOMINATED by self-publishing authors. That’s crazy. It really is the future. But, nonetheless, that kind of stuff really spirals me into negativity.
I don’t know if I wrote about it on the blog, but a couple days ago I realized, and I mean REALLY realized how much I do the same thing with doing research with TV writing as well. I get so negative. To the point where I start to just shut down and don’t actually *do* anything…and I really, finally, had a moment where I stepped back from that and was able to see that objectively and see those negative thoughts from a distance…and I felt better about it. Like, I decided that I really can reach out to a few people and send my script sample, starting with a couple people who I have a soft line of contact with. I’m feeling like I might finally, finally be ready to do that. And, I know when the time comes, I’m going to have to do the same with Starstuff, and I know that shit is really, really going to freak me the fuck out…but right now at least, I’m feeling like I can do it.
Which brings me back to today…so I was feeling all that stress and all those negative feelings of “nothing is ever going to happen for me, it’s never going to work, so why even try? You’ll just be a failure.” I was feeling all that, and again I was able to take a step back from it, stop the spiral, and just take a breath and calm the fuck down. I don’t take that for granted, man, that I was able to do that today. It doesn’t always happen.
…then I went and ate some food, and all the sudden I felt like a million bucks.
So, the moral of today is to find a way to stop the spiral and take a breath…and to make sure you’re not just effing hungry. Because the world is a fracking dark place when you’re hungry, yo, and that is the goddamn truth.
Anywho…I worked all day. Sigh. Should have had the day off today, but alas…such is the life of a workaholic.
Night, bitches.