I’m reminded tonight, after a rather frustrating day, how hard change is.
It’s hard to change. Really, really, really hard. It takes constant vigilance…and just like a baseball batting average, it’s going to be mostly failure. At least that’s how it is for me. If I can hit around .500, I think I’m doing really, really well. So far this week, I’m around the .100 mark.
See…I am putting in work each day, but it’s been three really rough days in a row in terms of that feeling I know I can do better. I’m slacking right now and it’s killing me. If I factor in the two days off over the weekend…it’s almost an entire lost week. Very, very frustrating. I *did* work today, and it was productive…but I can do better. I can do more. Like, way more.
So, I turn the page on today, and I let myself reset, and tomorrow, I will do better. In fact, I’m going to do plan out my day tomorrow. A full day. Getting done everything I should be getting done: writing, outlining, narrations, workout, reading and deliberate practice. It’s a lot. Maybe too much. I tend to always have my plate filled with “too much.” Maybe that’s part of my drive that makes me strong, maybe it’s a failing that holds me back. I’m not sure. I actually think it’s more likely both at the same time, which means which way I interpret it is kind of all in my head.
But, no, here’s the thing: I actually CAN do all those things. I really can. I just have to keep myself disciplined. That’s…hard for me. I guess. Sometimes. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes discipline for me is really easy. This blog is a PERFECT example of it being really easy. It was hard at first to remember to sit down and write this thing every night…but after a month or so, it was second nature. So, I *can* automate all of these things. I just haven’t done it yet. I need to do that.
It is hard to establish a routine when there are interruptions. There have been external interruptions and internal interruptions lately. The worst have been the internal ones, FOR SURE, over the past week.
I can reset tomorrow. It’s not too late for anything. I’m okay. I have time. There’s no sense in beating myself over lost days. Just keep my head down and keep moving forward. Do better tomorrow. Do *different* tomorrow. Don’t do the same thing and fail…do different and succeed. Keep the things that work, drop the things that don’t.
The Ho is outside playing her Ukulele, which is wonderful to hear, because it means that her wrist/forearm are feeling better.
I have a smidge of reading to do before bed. I’m 1/3 of the way through the second Hugh Howey silo book. I should finish it by the end of the weekend. That’ll make another 3 books this month. I want to read 4 in July. We’ll see 😉
Good night. Wish me luck. I wish you the same. Change is really, really, really hard…but it is not impossible. We must always remind each other of that.