I wrote 2,800 words today.
They weren’t great words, unfortunately. But, they were words. I don’t quite know yet where I’m going with this particular section of the book, and that leads to mediocre words. BUT…mediocre, and even bad words are the words that lead to the good words. This I have learned over and over again.
I was resolved today. I pushed through, even though I knew what I was writing was going to need fixing. And it’s not a problem with the premise, thankfully, which is where I went astray earlier in this whole process. It’s a matter of pacing and destination. I’m just not sure where what I’m writing right now is going to end up fitting, and how long or short it needs to be.
Sigh.
This second book has turned into a behemoth. A hydra. Medusa…if I stare too long, it turns me to stone. It’s also a bit of a roller coaster – one day I’m up on it, the next day I’m down.
But…as those strong women of 2017 do…nevertheless, I shall persist. Everything is fixable. And so is this section I wrote today. I will be fixed. I just have to keep at it.
What I really feel like I’ve lost, if I have to be honest, is my voice. Too much of this novel is going to read like connecting the dots. There aren’t enough real, original thoughts in there right now. Too much of it is going through the motions. So, I know a lot of my rewriting time is going to be spent on really figuring out what each scene needs to be saying, and then making it say that. That, I’m afraid, will really only come after I’ve finally tackled the full enormity of the project and figured out some sleek and exciting ways to slim it down, make it simpler, and make it hum.
Anywho…I am thinking about “another year” right now in the context that yesterday was my 4th anniversary of writing this blog. A major, major goal for me in this coming year five of writing this blog is to find PEACE with my creative process. I do not have that right now. I feel very combative with my creative process. I want to be productive, and I want to be HAPPY. My work when I’m happy is off the charts better than it is when I’m fighting with myself.
So, yeah…I haven’t actually articulated that yet, I don’t think; not even in my own head. I want to find peace with my writing process, to be able to coexist with it in a calm, stable, and empowered state.
Ooof. I just got really, really sleepy. It’s time for bed. I have lofty goals tomorrow for my writing that…I don’t know, I just feel resolved over. I’m going to hit my goals. I won’t take no for an answer.
The Ho helped me shop today, and I got some threads for the author conference later this week. That was a bit of a relief. My wardrobe has been…severely depleted over the past couple years. I think it had been four years since I last bought pants 😬
The Warriors won tonight. Tomorrow night is Halloween and we’re going out to see some comedy. It’s gonna be fun.
Night!
Artwork tonight is from Vincent Di Fate.