I do *finally* feel like I’m starting to get a better handle on my work. I know it’s odd to say that given today was an “off” day, but that’s the way that I’m feeling right now.
It really started after putting in a solid two hours this evening at the end of my day working on Two Guys One Trek. Season 3 has been on last stage away from being ready to release since…June of last year? I’ve sat on it for six or seven months now, and that’s eaten away at me. The plan was to finish it up and release it in the fall of last year after I’d written the next two book in the Starstuff trilogy…but here I am STILL writing book 2.
That scenario right there was 2017 in a nutshell. I decided to go “full time” with writing, and I really struggled from that point to figure out what that meant. I had expectations on myself that I couldn’t live up to at that time, and those expectations extended into the podcast, and really every other aspect of my life. That’s the runaway train of anxiety that I got bowled over by.
And…I’m not exactly sure what’s changed right now. It certainly hasn’t pulled a full 180 yet…but I am remembering what it felt like to make deadlines and promises, and then to actually hit them. Like, I just realized that if I put in two hours, from 8pm to 10pm, every night for the next three weeks…I will have finished the third season of Two Guys One Trek. It will be ready to go. And…I can do that. I *can* do that.
It’s that kind of consistency that allowed me to write Starstuff in the first place. It’s that kind of consistency that made me working from home as a video editor for Study.com actually a profitable enterprise. I *can* be very consistent with my work.
So…I’m dropping a couple things from my schedule: scheduled reading hour, and writing practice hour. They’re too much right now. I can’t handle them.
What does that do? It allows me to dedicate my mornings to writing. And it allows me to dedicate my afternoons to getting narrations done, and it allows me to dedicate my late evenings to getting Two Guys One Trek done. If I stick with that schedule for, say, the next three months or so…I might have another book written, rough draft at least, I’ll have made enough money to pay the bills, and I’ll have finished the fourth season of TG1T.
That…would be incredible. Truly, truly incredible. If I were to sit here three months from now…let’s see…that’s the beginning of May, and have done all those things, I will have considered it to be a minor miracle. So, that’s my goal. ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE DOABLE. I’ve done things like these before, and I can do them again.
I feel more like myself tonight.
I hope I’m turning a corner.
Last note, because tonight my entry can’t be just about me: my Uncle Tony passed away this evening at around 5:30pm. He was in the hospital with pneumonia, and he’d been in and out of care for the past couple months with difficulty breathing.
Tony was a good man. He always treated me with respect, humor, and kindness. He was authoritative when I was younger, but never overly so with me. He was a truly incredible cook, and fishing was his passion. He drove a giant Ram truck, the kind with those rumbling Diesel engines, and he and my aunt Susan, my mom’s sister, would pull around a long camper trailer all over the Pacific Northwest, camping.
I got to see Tony last summer. He’d been less active over recent years, but he was still quick with a laugh, and very thoughtful.
I will miss you Uncle Tony. Rest In Peace.
Goodnight everyone.