So much of what I’m doing right now is outside of my comfort zone.
I realize that’s where the “magic” in life happens, when we push out our boundaries, grow, learn, and experience new things…but it does take its toll. It’s hard work to do that shit! 😛
I wrote 2,600 words today, which was shy of 4,000–my stated goal–…but I am totally, totally fine with that. I was feeling zonked after those words, and it’s actually rather wonderful I even got that far.
I woke up today feeling overwhelmed. I wasn’t in the mood to write. I felt anxious, the floating kind where there wasn’t really one particular thing, it was just uncomfortable. And I know what it was, I really do: it was how much writing I’ve done recently, how fast its all gone by, and worry over whether or not I’m doing this all “right.”
It’s new. All of this. I’m not on solid ground yet. That makes me anxious. It also means that I’m growing. I know this.
As I sit here tonight writing this entry, I can look back on my day and see clearly that, yes, I’m doing all the right things finally. Finally! I can set a word count goal and actually hit it. And, much higher goals than I’d ever have thought even possible just a month or so ago. 4,000 words is a LEGIT goal for a day. But, man, does it make the book seem like it’s flying by, and I kinda feel like I get lost and/or sucked in too deep. I lose my thousand-foot perspective. But, I know that’s because this is all new.
I’m just out of my comfort zone. It was comfortable to write a couple hundred words a day on a story, and then call it quits. Or, not write for several days, then come back and write a couple thousand, and then take several more days off. That was nice and easy and comfortable.
This new speed is not…but I also know this: I will grow to fill this new “normal” just like I did when I started writing from absolute zero, and even those few hundred words now and then felt super super weird. I just need to stick with what I’m doing.
Tomorrow: 4,000 words or bust. I can do it. I’m starting with a difficult scene that I’m not sure how its going to turn…but I can do it. I will do it.
And if I just keep pushing out my comfort zone, who knows what I’ll find “normal” and “easy” in another few months 🙂