What to say?
It was a rough week for me this week work-wise. I did almost nothing. Almost no progress on either of my projects, the last major rewrite of book 2, and the novella. It was both my doing, and it wasn’t. Life stuff happened, but I also sat on my couch and watched baseball. I still made choices not to write.
It was a sobering week. It was a reminder of how easy it is to slip into complacency, and to lose focus.
Sigh…
I can do better.
I was listening to music tonight and texting with Liz, who’s out in Topanga right now for Madhuri’s bachelorette weekend, and I was thinking about how far I’ve come, and how far I still want to go. I was dreaming about finishing my book, and finishing this series, and how good I know it can be, and how successful I know it can be.
Quality is something I know I can bring to the table. I know quality. I even have a (very early, burgeoning) track record of delivering quality–not just being able to spot it, but to create it. I hope that doesn’t read too much like inflating myself or tooting my own horn; I definitely know my place. I am a beginner. I am no expert, nor am I close to a master of my craft. I am still in the apprentice stage…but I am still confident that I know quality. That is an asset I know I can offer.
Consistency and output I struggle with. Right now. I’ve done it before with video editing. I can do it again, and over the long-term, too. And I have the desire. I just also have a lot of insecurity, self-criticism and fear.
You know…perhaps I need to focus on THAT during my meditations. Focus on the fear and the anxiety, and counter it with positive statements and thoughts. More of the dreaming I did tonight listening to music. More of the self-knowledge and the confidence.
I’m going to try that tomorrow.
Tomorrow’s goal will be small: 15 minutes (plus an affirming meditation).
Thanks for listening as I worked that out. Wish me luck.
I have plenty more to say on all this…but it’s already 1am. It’s time for bed. I’ll write more tomorrow.
Good night.