I feel like I’m so close to breaking through and finishing this book. It’s right at my fingertips…or perhaps more aptly put: it’s just across a chasm that I can see the other side of, I just haven’t yet found the bridge.
So frustrating, given what a roll I was on just a few weeks ago…but still so tantalizingly close.
Today was failure. I tried to write. I put my butt into my chair, but I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t put myself there in the scene.
So, I did other work that didn’t really need to be done. I’m going to go back to meditating first thing in the AM. Getting away from that was a mistake. There’s still so much anxiety in me over this story, I have to do it. Maybe not for other projects–the novella, for example, didn’t need it–but this one yes. I need it.
I don’t know how this book is going to end up, to be honest. But it does make me think about when I was a DJ, how some sets I’d put together were just a struggle, whilst others were a dream. And it wasn’t because of me, per se, or my abilities…it was just the fundamental choices I’d made very early on, the tracks I chose and how they fit together. Sometimes they worked like magic, and other times I had to fight them until they were finally passable, and then I just had to move on.
This second book is one I’m just going to have to wrestle into acceptable quality, and then move on.
And here’s the thing: when I was a DJ, some times the sets I fought the most were my most popular, liked and listened to. Whether or not it was “good” was entirely out of my hands. Which is to say: even if I’m fighting this book, I hope that my readers enjoy it.
Time for bed. Tomorrow, less work. It’s an “off” day. But, I’m still going to write. Good night.