Rumblings in the Ho-Heinichen household about the future. Nothing specific, nothing planned…but thoughts. Dreams. That sort of thing. GOOD things.
I had a very, very productive day today. I wrote over 1,000 words, which I’m happy with. I’ll write another 1,000 tomorrow…and then I think I might be able to finish my book on Thursday. What a LOAD OFF that will be.
Of course, it’s not finished finished. Of course. There’s still the rewrite. Honestly, that’s getting less and less overwhelming the closer I get to finishing this draft. The bones of this story FINALLY feel solid. I know it can work. I worry whether or not it was as good as Starstuff is…but I know it will work.
It’s all part of the process in finding out who I am as a writer. Figuring out my craft. Growing up. That sort of thing.
I realize, you guys, that I’m constantly in a state of wanting to go faster. I mentally put myself in “behind” mode on a daily, hourly, second-by-second basis. And I realize that’s not fair. It cuts both ways, because I do use it as fuel to push myself forward, harder, better, faster, stronger…but it also holds me back, too. It stunts my happiness, and probably my productivity as well.
I was telling Liz tonight that I wish my writing was a faucet that I could just turn on, open as wide as I wished. I wish I could crank books out in two weeks, drop them, market the shit out of them, and make piles of money…tomorrow. I wish I could do that. I want to do that. I hope I’m laying the foundation for that right now…but damn, I want to do that tomorrow.
Of, course…I am only left with today. There is no such thing as tomorrow. The only thing that exists is today, the present. Not the future. Not even the past. Yes, we can think about the past, but that’s really only happening in the here and now, isn’t it? It’s still all moment to moment. The present.
So, I guess right now, I’ll try my best to focus on the reality in front of me, deal with those challenges, and try to spend as little energy in the future or the past as possible.
With that in mind…good night. It’s time for sleep!