First thought: what the balls is happening in this photo??? 😂
K. Moving on.
Le Sigh.
Today was better. Things felt less like they were exploding, falling apart, and otherwise changing forever. Which, to be clear, was always hyperbole. They weren’t actually doing any of those things. It just felt like it.
I was able to get work done today. Real work. Still teetering on the edge of finishing this book.
I realized, as I was mentally going through what I need to write, that there is a major, major reveal that’s totally unjustified and out of the blue right now…and instead of that being paralyzing…I actually had some really clear, actionable thoughts and ideas on how to fix it. You know, solutions.
So, that’s a huge, huge step forward. I’m finally starting to feel more confident in my writing. I still don’t have the extended period of production yet…but I do finally know what I can do. And the writing self-esteem is coming along with it. I can’t tell you what a relief that is.
I also spent some time tonight finding new music and doing genre research on Amazon, combing through the release charts and reading the reviews of those popular books, both critical, and those that sung the praises.
I need to do more of this. Survey the landscape. And I need to do it for both indie AND trad pub. See the differences. Find where I fit in. Who is my audience. What kind of reader I write for.
Doing that activity, looking through authors who are killing it right now…it never fails to scare me. Before, I’d just think it was tiring, or that I just kinda got into a ‘down mood’ after doing it, but now I recognize that it scares me. Success scares me. It scares me that I’d never get there. It scares me that I’d get there and not be ready and mess it all up. Lots of the scares.
But I am going to get there. I am going to be ready. And I am going to crush it.
I don’t feel those words as I write them, except for some boxed in corner of my self-esteem which is having a hard time at the moment…but dammit if I’m going let that stop me from SAYING it in the meantime. I will fake that shit until I make that shit.
Okay, that’s all for tonight.
Writing was good today. Finally.