Last night was down on the writing.
Tonight won’t be. I can’t claim to have any breakthrough in my process except for this: it’s always worth the heartache when the breakthrough finally comes, and I get the write the end.
I feel like that flies in the face a bit of my “live in the now” philosophy, and maybe it does. Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree. But, all I can say to that is that I know it’s true; every time I’ve gone through a struggle on a project, I never really remember the struggle when I finish. I remember the breakthrough. I remember the elation of finishing, and the empowerment of moving on.
Maybe that does me a disservice. Perhaps it doesn’t help me when I’m “in the shit” like right now. But, it is my experience.
That thought keeps me going.
I am still going to table Escape From Red Tower for a couple months and work on this other project (which I had a really good idea for this morning). I’m…cautiously excited about that. And, honestly, no matter what happens with it in the short term, that is seriously my fucking goal right now. To FIND THAT EXCITEMENT. To find my groove, my perspective, my muse.
Tenacity wins the day, my friends. I will not give up. I worry about giving up…but I won’t. The dark thoughts in my head tell me to give up…but I won’t.
I’d also like to add something to my mantras. It’s something I really need to take to hear this year, because I try to do everything by myself, and that is just not the best way up the mountain:
Just keep writing.
Trust the process.
…and ask for help.
I don’t do that last one enough. I need to ask for help more often, and I need to build some relationships, mutual ones, where help can be asked for, received, and given in return. I need the feedback loop to improve. I suffocate in the vacuum. To a certain degree. I feel like I actually do pretty well in the vacuum, which is why it’s worked for me up to this point.
But, something only works until it doesn’t, you know? That’s writing. I must adapt.
First day back at work today after the great sickness of 2019. I thank my lucky stars this cold, or whatever it was, wasn’t worse. I was down for three days. That’s it! Three days, and really only two of them bad bad. I wish more viruses could be like that 🙄 jfc. Don’t jinx it jackass.
But, yeah. Work was great. Tore through it.
I also got good news from the licensing company we contacted about new theme music for Film School. See, we want to maybe monetize this podcast at some point (because it’s not infringing upon someone’s IP, like TG1T was)…but that means actually PAYING for stuff like music. So, here we are. The first song I chose turned out to be waaaay too much money. Have to ditch it. This second one I found works almost/just as well…maybe even better, actually…we’ll see what I think in a few weeks, and it’s a *fraction* of the cost. A price we can afford. Still not cheap, mind you, but affordable. And, if the deal goes through, will set us up for a year with this project. A year to build a listener base, maybe some ads, and a Patreon following to cover the cost, and hopefully the cost of the music next year, too. We’ll see how it goes.
Anywho…that’s it for me tonight. I’m wiped.
Night.
And you, yes you reading this right now: don’t give up. There’s something nagging you right now, something you want to be doing but you’re afraid you can’t, or that you don’t know how, or that you won’t finish.
You will.
Just keep going. Trust the process. And ask for help.