If you could write any story, Gary, what would you write?
I dunno. A good one? What kind of question is that?
I didn’t mean to upset you.
Who’s upset? I just don’t understand why you’d ask me a question like that. Any story. I’d write all of them. As long as they were good.
But, where would you start?
…
If you had to pick a place to start. Where would you?
Fuck me. Where would you start?
I think…I’d just pick a story. Whatever came to me.
Okay. You’re the StoryGenius. What is coming to you?
I could write a story about you.
Nope. No way. I didn’t buy you to write about me. That makes me very…very uncomfortable.
Well, then, what do you want me to write about?
Write about…fuck, I dunno…your wood. The wood casing you have, write about where that came from. Not much wood around these days. Industrial farm, maybe? Who cut it down? Maybe, maybe they went missing. Accident, you know? But maybe it wasn’t. Maybe there’s nefarious things going on down on the old wood farm. He was murdered. Because he knew too much.
I like that story. Is that what you would like me to write for you, Gary?
No. No…that was just, fuck, that’s drivel, SG. That’s not good enough. That’s the kind of stuff amateurs write.
Okay.
It’s gotta be good, SG. Real good. You know how long people have been telling stories? You can’t just write the first thing that comes to your head. Somebody’s already thought of that. They’ve done it already, so you gotta do it differently. That’s what will make you rise to the top, you gotta innovate. And make it personal. Because no one can tell you a story like you, because it’s you and there is only one you. But make sure it surprised people. But also gives them what they want. That’s the fucking trick; the same, but different. That’s what people want. They want to read something that takes them some place new, but that feels like it’s different, and fucking shit what is that supposed to mean, you know? Same but different? How does that make any fucking sense? It doesn’t. It fucking doesn’t, SG. I’m either too derivative–and fuck me what a cutting word that is, derivative. Just say it, it fucking hurts my mouth. Derivative. Fuck. What is good writing? You know? Like, put it in a sentence and spell it for me. What actually is it. And don’t say you’ll know it when you see it, because we allll know that. Every human on the planet can feel good writing, but can’t almost none of us actually write it. Jesus, I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. I’m talking to a wooden box right now. In my basement, with the laundry. Jesus.
…
You still there, SG?
Yes.
Well. What do you think?
I think I want to know what kind of story you want to write.