I’m so glad I’m going to therapy. For reals. That shit is the shit.
I was doing a self check-in on my way there this morning and in the waiting room, and I realized, really realized how many stress triggers I’d gone through over the past two weeks.
Finishing Story Grid submission stuff; good event, but even good stress is still stress.
That made me think a lot about getting back into writing my next book…
…which made me think about who to hire as an editor/coach.
Which led to me fucking up and missing an appointment, which led to a brief meltdown. That was stressful.
I worked from home for a few days, which made me realize just how much I rely on going into work to get into that mindset. Not being productive was very, very stressful.
Feeling frozen about working on my book.
Liz was out at work (another good stress, but stress nonetheless), which is what necessitated me working from home for several days to take care of the pups and the building…
…and taking care of the building was stressful.
And the pups: Cooper was sick this week. Poor guy.
The Nebula Conference last weekend which made my emotions swing back and forth between 1) I realized I belong there and I can be successful with these fellow authors, and 2) reminded me of how I’ve struggled to write recently and how far I feel from breaking through.
I mean…it was an intense week.
So, in therapy, we talked about all the feelings involved there, which were a lot of self doubt and embarrassment or shame for those feelings. Then, we went through a grounding exercise which reminded me a lot of the guided meditations I’ve when feeling anxious before writing. It helped.
Liz and I got to hang out over in that area by therapy afterwards, and we went and had some Killer Dan Dan together which was amaaaaazing. Came home afterwards, did a brief little bit of building work, then took an epic nap with the bear. Oh, that nap was so good.
Got up, fed the pups, then started working on a pile of miscellaneous and admin tasks that I’d let pile up over the course of the week and past few months. Took the dogs out for a walk, watched the second half-ish of the Raptor/Bucks game (Raptors won, they’re going to their first-ever Finals), then went back to work and knocked out almost my entire to-do list! And my office is almost clean!
It was a really good day, and man, I think therapy had a lot to do with it.
The joy is in with that grounded feeling I did the exercise with today. That’s where the joy with the writing lives. Grounded. Calm. Excited, but calm. Focused. Purposeful. Away from the governor or critical voice.
That’s where the joy lives.
Artwork tonight is from Pat Rawlings.