Writing comes down to truth.
All of the angst, all of the struggle, all of the drafts and the deleted words…all of that pain comes down to just finding the truth.
At least, that’s how it works for me. It’s not about good writing for me. It doesn’t matter. Good writing is a fucking gimmick. It’s window dressing…whatever that means 😂
If I’ve found the truth of a story, it almost doesn’t even fucking matter what the words are. The truth speaks for itself. It’s real. It will work because it’s the truth.
The truth sometimes feels like the “groove,” or the “flow.” When I’m in the flow, the truth of a scene or a sequence or a relationship is coming out. That’s the best feeling I think I’ve ever felt. Gushing the truth. It’s a rare state, but I do feel it.
Sometimes it’s just a moment. It’s a reaction of one of the characters in a scene, and it unlocks a small (or sometimes large) part of the story.
I had one of those moments yesterday with Escape From Red Tower, and I just read through it again, and it still fucking works…and it’s because it’s the truth. It’s how this character would react to this situation, this meeting…and it’s a truth I’ve been missing for two years.
It’s not a major breakthrough in terms of the rest of the story, but it’s a massive breakthrough for me, because I haven’t known how to start this story for my second book for almost two years now.
And I think I do now.
Here’s the thing: I wrote this scene at probably my lowest emotional point as a writer (almost) five months ago. I was desperate when I wrote this scene. Lost. Just throwing stuff up onto the wall and seeing if anything would stick. And this scene stuck, I just couldn’t see it then. I wasn’t healthy enough mentally, emotionally.
But I see it now. And it’s beautiful.
It’s a relief.
It’s progress.
I cried talking about it today with my therapist. It felt that emotional because it is a wonderful feeling to discover the truth about a scene or a character or a story or whatever. It’s fucking magic, because it cuts through all the insecurities and the doubt. It’s undeniable. It’s TRUE, and I just know it in your gut, like it’s a direct connection between me and the rest of the universe, bypassing all the bullshit. It’s clarity.
And I haven’t felt like that in a very, very, very long time.
But I felt it yesterday, so I cried about it today.
Progress.
🎉🎉🎉