Work today was solid. It was prep stuff, and gathering stuff for delivery.
Writing today was…scary. But I did it. And…some good stuff happened. I think? We’ll see.
I still fight the idea that stuff should be ‘good,’ and that it needs to be so because I need to be done with this project asap.
That kind of thinking, I realize as I type out this entry, is toxic. It holds me back. It prevents me from experimenting, or even allowing myself to get things wrong. It paralyzes me. And it’s because I lose my faith sometimes in my ability to fix something that’s not working, or to even see what isn’t working, and noodle on how to fix it.
I’m getting better about that, I really am. I’m certainly more aware that it’s happening in the first place. That’s step one.
I meditated before each session today. I had to. It works. I can feel my brain slowing down. And that’s what I need.
And man…I went and sat down twice, and then again just now before bed to write. That’s…damn. That’s huge for me.
I’m going to do it again tomorrow.
Came home and the pups were so happy to see me. They’d been home alone for a few hours between when bear went to work and I came home. Fed them. Wanted to watch a bit of the A’s vs Astros game, but damn. That was NOT the game to watch. We got absolutely pounded. Crushed. Destroyed.
The only counterpunch that would erase tonight’s defeat? Take the next two games of the series. That would feel quite nice indeed.
Instead of watching the game, Liz got off early, and we decided to go get Killer Dan Dan at Killer Noodle down in the Sawtelle area. It was so gooooood. Gonna eat that shit for lunch tomorrow.
Anywho, time for sleeps.
Gotta focus on just letting go. Not holding on so tightly. Including bed time, waking up, everything. That’s the happier, healthier Ira.
Night.