Today rallied.
I was down early. Got a late start because…well, just because I felt overwhelmed.
That seems to happen a lot the first day that I work from home in any given week. It’s part of a pattern. This time, specifically, it was because I realized I had so much stuff to do before we leave town on Friday.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my therapist pointing out that “safe” is a feeling that I very much hunt for and am sensitive to in my life. Whenever I feel uncomfortable or stressed or anxious, the deeper feeling beneath all that feels like it probably boils down to safety.
And I realized that’s what I was feeling this morning, in an existential/purely emotional way. I felt like I wasn’t going to finish everything I wanted to, and that was making me feel like a failure before I’d even started. So, I thought about what would counteract that feeling…
And it was getting stuff done. So, I focused on that in a way that I’m not really sure I can qualify or quantify just yet. It just…felt different. And it worked. I buckled down, and I got a lot of shit done. I just did it instead of thinking or stressing about it or avoiding it.
I didn’t finish everything. But I did finish way more than I thought I would, and my anxiety did start to ebb away.
The A’s also rallied today. We were down 2-0 going into the 9th inning in Houston, and Oly crushed a 3-run homer to pull us ahead…and then we blew a save to let them tie it in the bottom of the 9th…but then we scored in the 11th and got two amaaaazing innings out of Petit to win the game.
Huge win.
If we can win tomorrow, we’re actually still in the hunt to take the division, I think. Not so sure that happens this year without a pretty epic meltdown by the Astros…but we’ll still be in that conversation.
It’s Justin Verlander on the bump tomorrow. Day game. Gotta beat that motherfucker. He’s been our boogie man for 7 years. It’s time.
Oh, and I also got writing done just now before bed.
It turned out to be a great, exhausting day.
Night 🙂