I’ve decided that I need to reward myself whenever I complete a week solid of writing every day.
As much as it’s worked for me in the past, and as much as I preach it to others, during this difficult stretch of writing, I’ve really struggled to reward myself on a consistent basis for completing goals or tasks, or for staying consistent.
It’s really consistency that I’m striving for. Completion is a result. It’s not a process.
I’ve thought about blu-rays, but I’m not sure that’s it. I’ve thought about model trains, but I have no space for something like that. Most recently, meaning today, I’ve thought about model kits.
I’ve always wanted to get good at model kits. I tried when I was a kid and quickly realized they were hard as shit to put together. I’m older now, I have patience, more tenacity, and disposable income. I feel like it’s a hobby that could be really, really rewarding. And frustrating AF at first 😂 I have no doubts about that.
But to build my own space ships…oh, man. To get really, really good at that? Fuck yeah. I could be down with that.
Same thing with trains, tbh. I’ve always wanted to learn how to build model train stuff, to create the terrain, and build the towns, and then watch it all run once it’s been built. I remember I had this book when I was a kid that was a how-to on how to do that kind of stuff. I was fascinated by it. I remember I got it at first just for the pictures, but the directions on how to make a mountain with a tunnel in it, for example, I’d never even considered before how they MADE that stuff.
Anyway…
Writing has been like it used to be. Just now, when I did my ten minutes before bed, I just dropped right into the scene. No internal struggle, no anxiety (except the normal leading-up-to stuff, which I’ve always had, I realize)…I sat down and the words came out, and I knew they were good. It’s going to be a good scene. A necessary scene. Important stuff is happening. I know where it fits emotionally into the rest of what’s happening. It’s not going to be perfect yet, but it’s most likely going to stay in the story.
When I wrote Starstuff, I did a decent rewrite of almost every scene in that entire book…if not actually EVERY SCENE…but, I think I only downright deleted one scene. Maybe two. Many were changed significantly, and I even added scenes in later parts of the book where I was just moving too fast narratively, but 99% of that shit I wrote in draft one stayed in. THAT’s when I know that the writing is good, and I have a grasp on my plot. I know what I’m writing gets to stay.
That’s where I’m at now: I know what I’m doing.
That’s another major part of my breakthrough. I was finally able to get my outline into a shape that made sense narratively and emotionally.
It’s such a relief. I love writing again.
I had an absolutely exhausting week. My writing suffered, particularly late yesterday and today. And I was feeling a bit frustrated over that, but just now before coming to bed I realized very clearly why: it was a crazy busy, exhausting week.
They happen.
It’s okay.
Nothing is wrong.
So…that was a relief to realize 😜 some how it made sitting down to get my nighttime writing session in easier. I don’t know how. I think I just let go of the frustration, and that helped me realize today didn’t have to be a zero day. And it wasn’t, because I just did my writing, and it was good.
It was good.