It’s different this time around, the writing.
I can feel a bullshit scene right now. I can sniff it much better and clearer than I used to…this most recent scene that stuck me in the mud–which came at the worst possible time, too, since it was in the midst of all this travel and big life events, of which scared me away from the keyboard–took me two actual days of writing to figure out it was bullshit. I wasn’t observing the truth of the situation, and that was gutting it. I had Petrick just going along with what was happening. Took me two days to see it.
That’s a pretty marked improvement from this time last year. Holy crap. It’s a world of difference, actually.
The change is that I’m sitting with that feeling, now, rather than running from it or pushing it aside. I can feel it’s not working, so I sit there in that place until I have the idea that puts me back in the right direction.
That idea is never complicated. It’s usually the opposite of what I’ve just written. It’s usually character-based, rather than the plot-convenience stuff that I was trying to cram into the story.
At least that’s how it’s going with this particular story.
It’s never going against the plot, mind you…it’s just that I find that my outlining can often lead me astray, at least with sketches of specific scenes, because I’m never in the characters’ shoes when I’m plotting like that. I’m not living and listening and breathing the scene like they are, so I often am missing the emotional and rational truth of what it is they’re feeling, thinking and trying to accomplish.
I find all of that when I actually write the scene.
It’s making my process rather inefficient at the moment…and maybe that’s the way it will always be. Which, honestly, is fine. I can still plot the fuck out of a book in terms of all those big goals and sequences and thrills and major moving parts…but the scene-to-scene stuff may always be an exploration. That, in fact, sounds fucking awesome to me. It makes me want to write.
It’s bed time. Today was a day for recovery, and I have to say that I feel recovered. I’m sure I’m going to be exhausted for the rest of this week…but I feel good.
I’m glad to be home.
Night!