So…I think I just needed some rest. Which I got today.
I woke up feeling fine. Tired, but the real test of whether or not I was getting sick was if I woke up with a sore throat or a cough or otherwise had worsened from feeling achy and tired the night before. But I didn’t. I woke up feeling fine.
I stayed in bed most of the day, just to be safe. Took an epic two hour nap in the afternoon, but when I woke up from that feeling hungry and otherwise normal, I knew I wasn’t sick sick.
Excellent news!
I think 😛 There’s always still time for more symptoms to develop, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I honestly think the past couple weeks of stress and changing work and etc etc etc just caught up to me and I was exhausted.
So…tomorrow will be more of the same: rest.
I just wrote a little bit and it was good. Not perfect…but that’s kind of the point, I’m realizing as I write: it doesn’t need to be perfect. I just need to feel the flow. And I did. If I can feel that, then the work is fixable. It’s a state of focus and calm rather than anxiety.
Anxiety is my head full of voices questioning what I’m writing, thinking of a million ways the writing could go, be better, or is going wrong. Calm and focus is just living inside the scene and feeling a connection to the character there, and telling that story. It’s beyond just describing the events…I’ve been there, too, and that’s too disconnected…the sweet spot lies between, when I’m feeling what’s happening and it’s real. I may not be describing it perfectly, but I can feel that it’s real. And then, I have a sense memory or emotional connection to the scene that I can use as a compass to then go back and rewrite it.
That’s all very touchy feely and voodoo-ish stuff right there, but the concrete thing I can tell you that’s going on is that I’ve calmed myself to the point where my anxiety is lowered. Meditation, music, whatever I need to just calm the fuck down. THEN I can get to that special place, the bubble, the flow.
Anyway…good to be feeling better.
Night 🙂