Reflective day today.
Part of that was that Josh and recorded our Cutting Room Floor for next week, but it started much earlier. I was tired today. A little hard to focus early on, though I found my groove later in the day. I was just tired. Normal tired from a good week of work.
So, maybe it was the tired, but I used my blog to look back at where I’ve been on this day over the past six years. Last year I was just finishing up my Story Grid certification materials. The year before that, I was writing a lot, trying to finish my second Starstuff book after having melted down for most of the early year. The year before that, I was just making the move to full-time writing. Those are a hard three years to look at. I struggled a lot.
I’m not struggling so much now. And I wasn’t struggling before that. Before that, I was working my ass off doing three jobs—literally—and finishing my book. I was about to send it off to my editor. Or, rather, I think I was about to ask for a few more weeks before I sent it to her 😛 And I was just starting to podcast with Josh.
I’ve come a long way.
I’m in a good place now. Thank god. I’m excited about the story I’m writing, and fuck me if it isn’t actually clear.
And more than that, I’m not thinking only about my work. I know that’s still what I write most about on here, a cataloguing of my work, but it’s not the only measure of myself any more. I think I’m just taking it one day at a time now? I think that’s the change?
I don’t know. I have to think about that one. But, I feel different. Clearer. Calmer. More confident. And feeling like I don’t have so far to go anymore. Or, maybe that I have far to go, but I realize that if I put my head down and just keep walking, I’ll get there faster than I ever thought was possible in the depths of my despair.
Night.