I’m maintaining, y’all. We’re feeling a bit beaten down lately here at the Ho-Heinichen household. A bit burned out. Nevertheless…I’m maintaining.
There are aspects, many aspects, of my life right now that I very much enjoy. I love working from home. I’ve been writing great stuff. Genuinely. I even woke up early yesterday. Not today, because Coops decided to bark at something in the middle of the night and I had to get up and see if someone had broken into our house. It was nothing. Little rascal.
But, it’s also hard right now. There is so much shit happening. Everywhere. Crises everywhere. And so many of the usual diversion, the release valves, aren’t there.
I think that’s why I’m loving playing music so much. It gives me a release valve. Same with watching stuff. And work, even, though that can certainly be part of the ‘burnout.’
Shopping has been a release valve for me recently. Online shopping. It hasn’t gotten out of control, but it will if I’m not careful. I felt that today, the desire to block out the world and buy myself something to come in a neatly sealed package just like a present. That’s…not good. That’s a compulsion. There are some things we’ve got ourselves during quarantine that have been amazing…but I need to be careful. More careful. Or, just careful.
And I will be.
I do know how to do that. How to keep that under control, so that it really is just a nice release now and then rather than just another thing that leads to burnout.
I guess it’s an accurate representation of how I feel right now: I’m on an edge. Things are working for me, this quarantine is working for me, but I do have the sense that it can tip over if I’m not careful.
Which, for me…means letting go. Don’t hold on so tight.
Not so tight.