Oh, you thought you was in charge?
Nope.
Master of the house, right here. Tongues out, gunz out. I run dis town. Better put some respect on that name, dame. P-U-P-P-why? Because I gotta. Get dem treats.
You might call me an attack doggo, because I will attack that squeak without mercy. And then I will drop it on the ground and smack my lips and move my tongue around to get the fluff out of my mouth, and then I will attack that squeak again until it squeaks no longer.
You might call me a hunter, because I will hunt YOU down to put food in my bowl. And only the best food. The food that makes the clink-clink-clink when it hits the ceramic and smells like umami. I know what I like, and I want that shit every single day, no need to change it up. Just keep it coming. Yum.
You might call me a king because I have claimed the whole goddamn neighborhood as mine. See that bush up there? Smell it. Second leaf to the left. Get right up in there. Breathe it in. Savor it. Notice the notes of ‘me?’ My pee. My bush.
You might call me a lover, because I love unconditionally. That means without conditions. I love hard, I love YOU and I love forever. 4eva. You and me.
Let’s do this.