Gotta put yourself out there.
It takes a long time, sometimes. For me, anyway. I have to protect myself for a long while, it would seem, before I’m willing to open up. Particularly creatively. But, there does eventually come a time when I just do it, I make the phone call or send the email.
I wish it was easier. I really do. I wish I was faster. But…I am who I am.
Today was a good day. I’ve really been tackling stuff lately that I’ve been afraid to before. But, something is pushing me this year.
So far.
I worry it won’t last. I worry that this push will fade, and I’ll slip back into where I was. I think that’s just fear, though. If it’s just fear, I can decide to ignore it, to live in the here and now where I am not in that place. And if it’s not just…there’s not much I can do about it, right?
What a year last year was…
Man. I’m still processing that shit. I took my airpods into bed tonight so I would have them ready and available to do my plank in the morning. It’s always best if I do that exercise right upfront with the first workout. Otherwise I’m liable to skip it (because it’s hard—probably the hardest of all my exercises)…but because I did that, I’m listening to music right now. My 2020 pop music playlist, to be exact. And it’s taking me right back. A crazy, long, insane insane year.
I hope 2021 is better in the right ways.
Also: pop music is so dope. I love it. Endlessly creative. Always changing. So angsty and raw. It’s pure emotion, but like pumped up on cool-ness and swag. Like all my feelings with a million dollar budget. No wonder kids love it so much. It’s youth, elevated.
Night.