Today was a zero day.
Man. It was STRUGGLE BUS. I failed, utterly, at everything I wanted to do today. I did nothing. I was a zombie. I…generally hate days like this. I want to be doing things, I have the TIME to do them…but I can’t. Or, I won’t. I choose not to. But, not like the kind of choice where I take it easy instead. I’m caught between the two, just kind of in a state of paralyzed anxiety.
Here’s the thing, though: I know why.
One, it’s been a truly insane two weeks work-wise, and I’m totally burned out. Or, at least, I was today. I had no energy. No brain power. Nothing.
Two, I’m feeling very insecure and angst-y about my writing—which was the main thing I wanted to try and catch up on today—because I’ve been away from it largely for the past two weeks.
Three…I’m at a point in the manuscript where I don’t really know what I’m doing yet. I don’t know who these people are, what their dynamic is, or what I really love about them and the challenge they’re facing. And that’s a very scary, very vulnerable part of the writing process…so when my PROCESS breaks down, ie- not being able to write because of work and other stuff…it’s really, really, REALLY hard for me to get back to it, roll up my sleeves, and figure that shit out.
So.
Tomorrow, I will do that. I’m going to bed on time. I’m going to get up tomorrow on time no matter what. And, I’m going to get in my writing sessions before podcasting.
Night.