Doing a quick one tonight…though I feel like a lot of these entries are quick these days. It ebbs and flows, this blog. Sometimes, I go on stretches where I’m very verbose, lots to say, lots to share, lots I want to remember.
It’s not that I don’t want to remember things right now. Truly, it’s the opposite…which makes me want to write more. I’m in a big part of my life right now. New house. Turning a corner on the writing…
But, it’s exactly all that big stuff that drains me a bit when I come to sit at this keyboard at night. I’ve been used up lately, or really more accurately: it’s just been LATE. It’s 10:30 and I really need to get to bed on time so I can wake up on time so I can get the writing done that I really want and need to.
I need to finish this outline. I need to write this book.
I heard an author say that he always looks forward to sitting down and writing, and that if it’s hard for someone to sit down and write, then writing may not be for them. That…was hard to hear. It’s HARD for me to sit down and write. That’s where resistance gets me the most these days. But, it wasn’t always that way. It hasn’t always been hard for me to sit down and write, and it hasn’t always been easy when I’m sitting there writing. And that’s what that comment missed, I think. I hope.
It can shift. It can change. Just because it’s hard for me to sit down and write right now doesn’t mean it will ALWAYS be hard. The writing itself used to be easy, then it was hard for a long time, and now it’s getting easier again. It’s an evolution. A process. And that makes more sense to me.
I don’t want someone to tell me that I’m broken, at least in a way that’s not fixable. Thinking about that makes me feel despair and hopelessness…and resistance LOVES that. So…
I will continue to struggle with getting up to write for another day. And then the day after that, and then the day after that until I have another book written. Because that book is out there, waiting for me.
I just have to get up on time.
Night.