Coco is in the hospital tonight.
There is good news: the neurologist thinks that she’s going to be okay. It appears to be the same kind of spinal issue as before, a herniated disc. T-12, this time, specifically, was insanely painful when he palpitated it. Last time he didn’t recommend imaging. He recommended drugs and rest. It worked.
This time…Coco is *much* worse. Today was rough, you guys. Really, really rough. She was in the most pain I think I’ve ever seen anyone, ever. Just writhing and screaming in pain. The muscle spasms were so intense, she’d pee herself. It was absolutely awful. It felt like she was dying. We finally found a position that should could tolerate, kind of holding her like a football, with her chest lying across my arm. Literally any other position was torture for her.
So…this time he is recommending an MRI, and if that confirms the herniated (or ruptured) disc, she’ll go into surgery tomorrow afternoon. We put down the max estimated payment for it today. Almost $15k dollars, much of which we should be reimbursed through her insurance, thank you LORD. SO. FUCKING. WORTH. IT.
I’m empty.
I think about losing her. I think about how hard it gets in the end, how gut-wrenching. But…I don’t think this is the end. I think, in all likelihood, the MRI is going to come back tomorrow showing exactly what the doc thinks it will show, she’ll have surgery, it’ll be a tough six weeks of crate rest…and then Coco will be back to herself. But, the pain today, it just makes me think about the end. How it’s going to be really, really hard. Not confusing—the pain is the worst thing; if she’s in pain that we can’t take away, we’ll let her go—but hard.
Dealing with that is depleting.
Night.