Every so often, I take a look at that number up there and I wonder if I should change things up. It’s going to be ten years this year that I’ve taken my iPad out at the end of the night, leaned back on my pillow in bed, and typed out one of these entries. Is this still doing what I want it to do? Should I mix it up somehow? Give it up? Do something different? Or…is this a forever thing? Do we just keep cracking on with it?
Honestly…I think it does still do for me what I want it to. It’s a ritual. It’s a way for me to mark the time, to download what I’m thinking, and to lay it to rest before I sleep. Whatever’s on my mind, I can just spill it out on here, let it go. The lack of structure is a gift. It’s not a project. It’s maintenance. There’s no goal. It is the goal in and of itself. So, it’s easy to go on automatic.
That doesn’t make for great reading, I’m sure. I know the vast majority of these posts will never actually be read by anyone. Even me. I rarely read my own entries any more, but I cannot tell you how calm and relieved it makes me feel to know that they are there. I can read them if I ever so choose. The time has been marked. It won’t slip away into nothingness.
So, I don’t have any plans to change it up. I like it the way it is for now. There are certainly other ways to mark the time, but none of them have called to me. Not like this does, sitting here in bed, surrounded by my most precious ones, Liz, Cooper and Coco.
Coco has a veritable fort on top of her tonight. We’ve realized recently that she really, really likes sleeping on the sheets. Not sure why, but she does. Sometimes even under the covers. So, I made her usual under-blanket into kind of a u-shape for her, with straight-sheets underneath, plopped her inside it, and then covered her up with another soft blanket. She’s snoring. “Job well done, Papa!” she says. Anything for you, sweet lady. Anything for you.
Coops is all content at the foot of the bed in his sweater. We like to keep it cool in the bedroom even when it’s chilly outside, which it has been for the last couple weeks. Sometimes, Coops likes to be all bundled up in a blanket, but most of the time, his sweater is all he needs. Sleeps down by our feet, and if he gets chilly, he’ll snuggle up against our legs. Sweet boy.
And Liz is next to me, reading a book. Bad Cree it looks like. I wonder if she’s enjoying it.
Night night.