It’s…man, it’s hard right now. I’m on the struggle bus. I have fits and starts, but I’ve just had a really hard time getting going.
Getting myself set up for success was key this morning. That holds true. I was out in my office right on time, and I started my writing right on time. The problem is that I’ve developed some bad habits the past few months. I check the internet. I look things up. I go online window shopping. I lose entire hours to that shit.
So…that’s the focus tomorrow. Get up on time. Get writing on time. And Don’t. Check. Anything. Can’t do it.
I really wish I was better at this. I really wish I was faster. I could be. I want to be. But I’m not. Not right now. And…I just have to let that go, you know? I just have to focus on each writing session. With time and repetition, I will get better at this part of my process. I need to have faith in that.
It’s the open-ended-ness of it all that’s the hardest. I don’t have a concrete goal of what tomorrow is going to look like. The brainstorming aspect of outlining, man…it’s not limitless, but it FEELS like it is because I don’t know quite how long it’s going to take to figure stuff out. Some stuff comes super fast. Other stuff takes more of a grind until the right ideas pop into my head.
It’s not the same as drafting, where I know I need 3-4 hours to write 15 pages. That is so concrete. It cuts through the resistance. I just keep my head down and make sure I get those fucking pages written. Outlining…it’s not done until I finish it, and sometimes it takes a while for those thoughts to come.
I do know this, however…it IS just a matter of time. And that means the more time I put in, the more will get done. So. That’s the struggle right now: put in the time. I’m not doing that right now. I need to find a nice rhythm with it. Just…wear the time like it’s a familiar pair of shoes. Program my brain to sit down and work for two hours in the morning, two hours in the evening. Day in. Day out. I do that…and I know for sure for real that this outline can be done in a matter of weeks. Not months, like it’s taking me right now.
Sigh.
One day at a time I suppose. Tomorrow’s my day. Night night.
ps – it did indeed rain all day today…and my plastic sheeting on the roof did it’s job FLAWLESSLY. For more home improvement tips, smash that subscribe button.