I just saw a memory that reminded me today is Coco’s gotcha day. September 18, 2014. It’s sad to not be able to share another one with her, and it’s sad to me that I only got to spend 8 with her. That’s not enough. Not fair. But, really, I just miss her.
Joy is in her spot right now on the bed, pressed up against my leg. That’s where Coco would have been. And I can’t help but think about that, too; that I never would have met Joy if Coco hadn’t gone. It’s not about ‘replacement,’ because I’ve realized that is literally impossible. Nobody will ever be Coco. Ever. There’s a finality there that’s both devastating and comforting at the same time. So…it’s not about replacement, or even moving on. Because the same is true for Joy. There is nobody like Joy. She is one of one. Truly. She does things utterly uniquely in her own way. And…I am so grateful she’s in my life. She wouldn’t be without the loss of Coco. She’d be living some other life, and so would I, and that doesn’t seem right. This, somehow, despite all the pain that comes with it, is the way things are supposed to be. It is the natural way of things.
Sigh.
Really, I just miss her.
And I love Joy. And she loves me. She goes from 100 miles per hour to passed out in like five minutes. And she’s so big, now. So muscular, even though she’s still smol.
Loss. And love. Right on top of each other tonight.
Night night.