A day of errands. Work permitted, thankfully. There were groceries to hunt down, returns to make, dog food to donate, a dirty car to wash, salads to procure. I started (ish) on the finances by realizing the estimated tax payment I thought I’d made I actually hadn’t. So, I made it, plus the one that was due at the end of the year. I got a quote for new insurance for the Coops, since our existing insurance is almost three times more expensive than it was last year, and it was EXPENSIVE last year already. Stressful things, but tasks nonetheless that need to be done.
I played a DJ set to end the night. That was the right call. I’m floating now because of it. Not exactly in a bad way, like that untethered, floating anxiety can be. This is calmer than that. But…still untethered. I have so much stuff I want to do—some other stuff I need to do—and I’m not getting much of any of it actually done. I still feel detached. But, playing music, and good music at that—there were several tracks I’d forgotten about that really got me hyped…the detachment isn’t unpleasant right now. It’s a vibe.
I feel like I’ve been talking a decent amount lately about my childhood. Not talking, sorry: thinking. I think I’m feeling old. Wrapping my head around the fact that me and the people around me suddenly aren’t young any more. We’re not old, not really…but we’re not young any more. People that were ten years older than me and just ahead of me in terms of figuring their lives out…they’re FIFTY now. I’ll join them soon enough, it feels like. The years are starting to fly by. Time constricts. The days do the same. What is this new world I live in? It’s not familiar.
I saw a young woman on her electric scooter today, as I was waiting for the carwash, riding down the sidewalk with her 99 Ranch groceries in a little back basket behind her. She went over a bump, and something fell out. She didn’t notice, and she was gone in an instant. I was so worried she’d get all the way home and be crushed to find it was missing. I hate that kind of disappointment. Looking forward to something, and then inexplicably, unexpectedly, it’s just gone. Taken away. It’s a very empty, very helpless feeling. Makes me feel like a kid.
But this story doesn’t end like that. Somehow, she noticed. A minute later, before I was even into the car wash proper, she reappeared on her scooter and scooped up the fallen grocery. She repositioned the bag on the handlebar instead of the basket behind her seat so nothing else would fall, and she was off again, whole. That made me feel better. And then my car got cleaned.
Night night.