It was an unexpectedly busy day at work today. Whew. I was busy from 9am to almost 7pm. No nap today! But…that’s okay. It’s good to be busy. I need to earn that paycheck, you know? Of course you do, you hard-working mo fo.
Writing was hard again this morning, BUT…it got better as it went along. I ended up with a couple really good ideas by the end of it. Still not quite filling in the biggest holes, but it’s getting there.
It’s hard, because I’m burned out, truthfully, on the outlining. Hard, specifically, because I’ve not kept my focus enough to really use the hours that I have, and the frustration over that has contributed to the burnout, which puts me even further “behind.” Toxic word, that: behind. It’s a meaningless term. It’s only purpose is to make me feel bad—which I guess means it’s not meaningless, per se, but it is a lie. It’s not truthful. It has no actual bearing on getting the stuff done that I want to get done. So…yeah. Not “behind.” Sigh. It’s a hard lie to let go of. But I can. I will. I must.
In that spirit…let’s look to tomorrow. Another day to start over, fresh and anew. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow morning and be excited to get to the keyboard. I hope so. But, even if I’m not, I’ll still sit down and do it, because I know, eventually, it will work.
Again…thank god I know that, now. Took me a long time to get to this point, and I’m so glad I’m here. Genuinely. Not just putting in some platitude to end this blog entry on: I am so. grateful. It’s a world of difference from being lost in the woods. I know, now, that this kind of struggle and burnout is part of the process, and I know, now, that it doesn’t last forever. Just have to slog through it until I get to the other side…and it’s such a relief to know that.
Night night.