I have an inkling what it must be like for parents, worrying for their kids. It’s all I can do right now, sitting in bed: worry about them. Will they be okay? I don’t know. I keep thinking of Spock. “Each according to their gifts.” We’re not totally helpless, us adults—the environment our kids grow up in, the people who surround them, make an incredible difference. But at some point, eventually, inevitably…there is nothing we can do. Kids will become full-ass people, and they will choose who they will be. Tragedy will come for them, and they will handle it how they handle it. It’s a terrifying thought. Twists me up with fear, because I worry for them. I don’t want them hurt, but hurt is coming and I think I’d give anything to stop it. But, they will handle it, we will handle it, each according to our gifts.
I got two father figures from Star Trek as a kid: Spock and Picard. Two of the greatest men that I have ever known. Two of the greatest men ever written. It’s astonishing to me when I really think about how much of right and wrong I learned from those two characters, what strength looks like to me, courage, compassion, heroism, all the things that I aspire to. They fundamentally shaped who I am. And I suppose I’ve been thinking about them lately because of my fears and helpless feelings above. We do make a profound impact on the kids, don’t we? I remember who made an impression on me, vividly, and it’s lasted my entire life. (I mean…my parents did, too, by the way—thanks mom and dad—but I think those two come to mind because they weren’t parents, same as me)
I watched a little of One Battle After Another tonight. It was wild to see my high school in a movie like that. They did use the new gym, recently built, that I obviously never used, but everything else was exactly the same as when I went to school there over twenty years ago. And Murphy’s market, too, and the overpass down by HSU.
The movie has been pretty good so far. Maybe not great? But really good so far. We’ll see. I’m halfway through it. Maybe it’ll hit me hard once it ends. Sean Penn is reeealllyyyy good in it. Leo, too, actually. Everyone has been good. Benicio has been a scene stealer. We’ll see. But at least it’s working on a high level. We’ll see how it ends. I hope it blows me away.
Night night.