I went back and looked at one of my old blog posts today, it was from October 2015, and I’d just ticked over my first year of doing these entries. There was a comment there from someone I knew in high school, Hannah. She commented to say she’d been reading along, happily ‘stalking’ my life in the little tidbits I’d share here.
She died last year around this time after battling ALS for a couple years. She left behind two kids, I think, and a husband. I watched that battle from afar, absolutely floored at how positive she remained all the way up to the very end. No matter what she faced, she was going to be herself, which was honest, vulnerable, and relentlessly positive. It was a pragmatic positivity in that way, because it was obviously just who she was. No spin.
I should have told her that. I should have told her thank you for the comment on my blog, for reading and being interested in me. I should have reciprocated that interest. Maybe I did…but I don’t remember doing it, and I should remember that. She’s the type of person I should have kept in touch with. An incredible person.
I don’t make enough of an effort to maintain friendships. Thinking about Hannah shouldn’t be thinking about me…but here we are. I’ve been thinking about friendships, my friendships, and seeing a deficit. I hide away much too much. I don’t put in time enough to hang with friends, and I have very few friends because of it. My group kind of scattered about ten years ago, and I haven’t put in the elbow grease to build a new group.
Liz is amazing at that. She constantly makes time for friends. Like, almost every day she’s talking to someone on the phone or going to lunch or to see a play or something like that. Her social calendar is always packed. And mine is pretty damn empty. Especially right now that Josh and I have put podcasting on hiatus.
I should have been a better friend to Hannah. The opportunity was there. And I’m sorry that she’s gone. I wish I had told her how much she inspired me, even from afar. I suppose this will have to suffice, for now, and perhaps some sort of resolve from me that I will endeavor to do better.
Night night.
—artwork by Giulia Gentilini
So every day, I check my email and I see your name. I followed you last summer when you popped up in my reader feed somehow when I started blogging more. I don’t read every single blog post post you write, but your daily writing habit is something that I greatly admire, and it makes me happy. Then I come over here to write this comment and read this post and for whatever reason, it made me tear up. Writing is a form of art, and you might not realize it, but it touches people. Even if it’s just a daily record, it is so neat. Thank you for writing. I needed to see this today and be reminded that art matters. I hope you have a fantastical, wonderful day.
Thank you so much for this. And I needed to see this today, too. Art does matter, so much. As does reaching out and telling someone that, or just saying thank you, which is what I was thinking about last night. So, thank you. I’m glad you’re here, and glad you are wherever you are, too, making your own art. Keep it up.