Had a solid day today. The most solid day I’ve had…well, I guess not that long, but it FEELS like so much longer. No writing this morning. Sigh. But, Netflix work was great. Helped Liz with a really good audition. We had lunch together almost like normal. It’s…getting...

We spent Valentine’s day with the Kings, sharing some joy. It was perfect. Otherwise…I worked. Had a panic/sadness attack come around 3pm, but it subsided. My thought of the day on grief is that it’s uncontrollable. It just comes. My brain has absolutely no control...

Time is a slippery thing. It’s giving me mind whiplash today. A week ago was my last “normal” morning with Coco. She’d had trouble sleeping the night before. I was worried. But, we woke up that morning and she was happy to see me. A stretch in bed, a little of her...

I think I realized today that I’m afraid of my grief. And it doesn’t take me long to figure out what, exactly, I’m afraid of: I’m afraid that my grief will consume my life. I’m afraid that I’ll get stuck, and everything I’ve worked for will slip away. My brother...

I might have reached a critical mass today with the tears. I mean…take that with a giant grain of salt, because grief will surprise you, BUT…the tears don’t seem so close tonight. I still feel worn out. I still don’t know what to do with myself. And the panic is still...

I’ve died twice. I died the day my brother took his own life. And I died two days ago when I let Coco go. What weighs on my chest tonight is that I have to rebuild everything. I am starting over, now. Once again, I must climb the mountain back to joy and inspiration...

It’s the change in tense that’s the hardest. From is to was. From love to loved. And it’s because for me, the tense hasn’t changed. It will never should, and should never change. Coco is my love. I love her. A really hard day, you guys. One of the hardest of my life....

I said goodbye to Coco today. I wasn’t ready. I’ve spent quite a bit of time recently thinking about how she’s getting older, and how I really needed to pay attention to these days, these good times, and cherish them. And I did. I truly did soak it all up and enjoy...

So…no surgery for Coco today. Neurologist saw her, they put her under for an MRI, and that imaging didn’t show a ruptured disc anywhere. Maybe a sliiiiight one, but nothing that would require surgery. It didn’t explain the pain and the loss of mobility we’ve...

Coco had to go back into the hospital today. She was worse last night—restless and couldn’t fall asleep until we drugged her—and this morning. She couldn’t hardly use her back legs at all. So, Liz took her to the ER. The ER vet thinks it’s likely she’s ruptured...