I think I might be slightly depressed right now. That sounds dramatic, I know, but I’m pretty sure it’s true. Ever since the whole work situation from a few days ago, I’ve just kinda been on autopilot. Out of sorts. Challenged. I like saying it that way, I think…”challenged.” That’s what it feels like.
I just went and did a search for this friend of mine in college for a while, this girl named…we’ll call her Mika…who was my acting partner at the end of my third year, and who dropped out of school because of depression. Not saying that’s what I’m feeling 😛 Don’t get it twisted, nothing so intense as that. This is more melancholy, really. I got my work done and I even just got my writing done. No…”Mika” I thought of just because of thinking about depression. She’d describe being unable to get herself out of bed or even get dressed. I remember she had a breakdown in class where we were doing an emotional vulnerability exercise and she started crying uncontrollably and freaked out even more because she was hyperventilating and her face and hands started to feel numb from not enough oxygen. I remembered that happening to me when I was a kid, and so I was able to calm her bit because I knew what was happening, and that once she was able to calm herself and breathe, she’d get her feeling back.
Man…college was intense, yo. One of my good friends went *actually* “crazy,” though I am loathe to use that term because it just doesn’t feel respectful or accurate…but he went somewhere mentally that was breaking from reality. They say that happens when you’re in your 20s. It ended tragically for him. I don’t know what happened to “Mika.” I remember I saw her once the following school year, at the end, just before graduation, and she came up to me and gave me a big hug with tears in her eyes. I never knew what happened before or after that. I hope she’s doing okay. I remember liking her a lot, and enjoying working with her.
See?!
This is the kind of sad shit one thinks of when they’re feeling mildly depressed!
It’s was just one of those days, man. You know, where everything is just kind of grey. I say “mildly” depressed because, as I mentioned, I was still able to keep myself out and about and actually doing stuff. It’s wasn’t a compeltely and utter failure.
I did “research” for my Trek short story and watched the episode I’m planning to expound upon, and then watched the first TNG movie Generations, since my short story will be taking place shortly after the events of that flick. I have such mixed feelings about that movie. On the one hand, it was coming out at the PEAK of my getting into Star Trek. On the other…I remember even back then as a 12 year old being disappointed with it, overall. Still fascinated, yes…but I knew it wasn’t very good. Wasn’t Trek at its best.
Time for bed. I’m going to drink a nice big glass of milk, I think. I either ate dinner too early, or I didn’t eat enough. Either way, tum-tum is a-grumblin’. Not a good way to go to sleep 😛
See you kids tomorrow. Hopefully, this “challenge” will be diminished by then.