Artwork tonight is from Robert McCall
I was just watching a youtuber talking about gaming just now, which is probably where tonight’s title comes from 😛 Today wasn’t an overly massive success or anything. It was a success, but not over the top, you know? Still, the title plays and so it stays!
I was so afraid going to sleep last night that I was going to wake up and not feel well, which would have put all my work plans in dire jeopardy. But, nope! Strong as an ox. Still feeling allergies, but nothing like the achy bullshyte I was feeling yesterday. Thus, I was able to have a nice long full work day.
Burned through the rest of Voyager season 6, which ends with a decently exciting finale, I must say. One of their better ones. Voyager actually never really did the whole season finale cliffhanger thing all that well. Off the top, I’d say half of their seasons didn’t even end with a 2-parter. DS9 and TNG had that shit on lock, so I guess Voyager was all “whatever, we’ll do our own thing.” Voyager had *several* two-part episodes that were in the middle of their seaons, however, that were awesome. Not something that the other treks did so much.
I went through some strong bouts of anxiety today while I was working…I’m axious about this new job opportunity and it derailing my push towards actually valuing my writing…then that all mixes with what if I’m always just a failure and I can never finish anything and nothing good is ever going to come from all this time I spend writing…or even worse, agonizing about writing instead of just writing.
These anxieties are always present, I’d have to admit…but lately they’ve been more present than usual. I’m ready to move on from that. I mean, even today I was able to turn those thoughts down to a background whitenoise and still get my work done. I didn’t get writing done due to some delays in the editing, but I was planning to do a bit of extra work tomorrow anyway. Two hours of writing is GOING to happen, come hell or high water…and my recent track record actually gives me confidence I’ll actually do it. The writing hours have felt a bit easier lately…I wouldn’t say I’ve found a rhythm yet, but they’re much closer to my psyche than, say, a few weeks ago when getting into that headspace felt like another freaking planet.
It’s already after 12:30, which means time to wrap this up. Life moves forward, guys. Step by step. I’m following through with the pledge to myself to hit certain financial goals. I wish those goals were more concretely staked within a longer-term plan than they are…perhaps that would give me the feeling of perspective and the overall big picture…but they’ll do for now. I’m also really, REALLY looking forward to being able to sit down and do my writing hours with a simple, lovely, comforting and energizing “3-pages-a-day.” My happy place. This outlining and hand-wringing over plot points is not my happy place. These are the things we learn about ourselves as we actually commit to a process…outlining used to be a strength of mine. Perhaps it still is…but it’s not a happy place, at least.
I also just decided tomorrow I’m making cornbread, beans, and grating cheddar cheese to melt over top of it. A Heinichen-family tradition. Just sounds right…
Tomorrow it’s work early, and then chill later on. Watch some movies. I’m so far behind on my movie list! I have to watch, like, 8 movies between now and the end of the month to be on task! That’s the plan, yo. Wish me luck!