Hmm. Feel like I took a step backwards today on the “feeling better” front…going on a week now, officially, that I’ve been under the weather. And tired of talking about it to be honest, but what else am I going to do? Talk about politics and how depressing and frustrating it is for me to watch the Republican National Convention? I could…but it’s not really my thing.
See, I am actually quite a political person. I vote. I read up on issues. I’ve even emailed a representative before and signed petitions. But, I don’t WRITE about politics much. I have very strong opinions on things like science in politics, and guns, and rights and those kinds of things…I just don’t write about them that often. I couldn’t actually tell you why, and I’m not going to try and solve that question tonight…it just is what it is. I prefer to write about my day. About my own personal feelings. My own personal wins and losses.
Today was a win on the work front. FINISHED what I wanted to finish, and even had time to go to the store and get myself some cookies. I’ve had such a sweet tooth the past several months. I’m afraid it’s because my daily eating schedule simply hasn’t been robust enough to keep ahead of my appetite, and when that happens, I crave junk food. I’m a pretty skinny dude, so I think I’m okay with MOST of the health concerns regarding eating a few cookies here and there…but, not ALL of them. And these past few months could be healthier, that’s for sure. It’s a focus of mine coming in the second half of this year. Being healthier. It’s a must. And it will be difficult, it would seem, since I’ve pledged on this very blog in earlier months this year that I was going to start exercising each day. And I keep promising myself that I *will* do that eventually, and it hasn’t happened yet. I’m not sure I have the resolve in me tonight to pledge I will work out tomorrow…but I promise to revisit the idea tomorrow. How about that? Help me remember…
The “evaluation” portion of my rewriting phase is coming to a close. I think it took longer than I was expecting…but that’s not really true, because I honestly didn’t know WHAT to expect. Two weeks, I think? And once I’ve worked my way up to full capacity time-wise, I really think I could cut that timeframe in half. A week of evaluating is not bad at all in the grand scheme of things.
I also stumbled across an article today that listed out a bunch of podcasts for writers to listen to and I decided I was going to go through the whole list! One-by-one. I think I’ll listen to 3 episodes of each podcast, and see if there are any that catch my fancy and I’ll subscribe. Already it’s been an interesting listen. Snagged some new writers to follow, and some blogs to take a gander at. On the one hand, it is fascinating to listen to these authors and hear about their process and their advice…and on the other hand, it can also be very anxiety-ridden for me to do so. I find that I can’t help but compare myself to these authors; the successful ones make me wonder if I’ll ever get to their level, and the less successful authors remind me of how fucking HARD it is to make a living out there as an author.
I hate doing that. I try not to. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I’m successful. What I TRY to remind myself whenever I do fall into that pit of anxiety is that I don’t actually do all this because I’m trying to make money or become successful…I write because I love to write. Period. I have these stories pent up inside me, and letting them out is an exercise in my own happiness. I am my happiest self when I am writing, and THAT is why I write. If I can focus on that…I will be okay. Success is not happiness. They are not the same thing. And by the same token, failure is not despair.
Anyway…I took Benadryl tonight, and I can feel that shit hitting me hard core. As a last thought, before I signed off my computer tonight, I noticed that Pig & Dan’s latest album “Modular Baptism” is available on Spotify, and I highly highly highly recommend that you go listen to it. It’s techno at its finest from a couple of masters. LOVE. IT.
Night!