I realized today that not much has changed in my life over the past two years, at least from the outside.
I’m not really sure what to do with that realization. On the one hand, I feel like a lot has changed. I’ve made several changes in how I work, what I’m working on, my finances…etc. But on the other, I’m still writing entries like tonight that I was writing a year ago and two years ago. They’re almost exactly the same. The struggle with work to pay the bills, the apartment building taking time and energy, and the progress made on writing projects and what needs to be done next.
Again, I’m not sure what to make of that. I’m fairly happy with my life right now, to be honest, despite the downs sometimes like I had the last couple weeks. I made major changes four years ago, and those changes are now paying dividends. I’m basically reaping the benefits of those changes…
…but still, am I where I envisioned myself being? Not quite. I want to write professionally. THAT hasn’t happened yet. I want to not have to manage an apartment building in order live rent-free. That hasn’t happened either. I want my book to be finished and published. I want my spec script to make me inroads into the television industry. I want another seismic change, like the one four years ago.
Except that I also don’t…that change four years ago was made out of desperation. I don’t want to go to that place again. I want to make changes without getting to that place of desperation.
Anywho…it’s now 12:39 and it’s time for bed. So, we have to cut that musing short…but in conclusion I will say: another change is coming. I’m going to write full time, and it’s going to happen at a time of my choosing. I’m very, very much looking forward to that…and I’m also scared to death of it.
Night.