I have to remember to just let go.
Stop trying so hard. Stop thinking so hard. Just let go and relax, enjoy it, breathe, slow down…stop holding on so tight. Let the expectations and the goals and the plans and all that shit just float away. Have fun.
Find the joy.
That was my focus today. And not just with writing. That was my focus overall.
It worked. Mostly.
I wrote, and that was a struggle…until it wasn’t and I finally just did it. I can’t tell you how good that felt to finally just let go.
Even now, before bed, I did a little bit and I realized that some of what I was so afraid wouldn’t work at the end of my second writing session today actually fit right in like a glove. And I’ve got stuff to work on in the morning, too.
I so, so, so want to have a healthy relationship with my writing. I sit here in bed and just the thought of that on the horizon fills me up. A relationship whereby I show up to work day in and day out and look forward to rolling up my sleeves and dive in with focus and determination. For the most part, of course. I know that nothing is ever perfect. But I know that kind of healthy relationship is possible, because I’ve had it with other work in my life.
I had it today. For the most part. Eventually.
And maybe that’s the key: maybe it will always be ‘eventually.’ And that’s fine.
I was so tired today after lunch, but with the mantra of ‘just let it go’ running through my head, I knew that I could stop thinking or worrying about how tired I was and just kind of wait for it to pass, because I knew it would pass. I always get tired around that time of day. And then it passes. The solution to not stressing out so much about being tired that time of afternoon isn’t to try and not be tired…it’s to stop stressing about it when it happens and just wait for it to pass.
Same with my writing. Maybe. Don’t try to not be super insecure or foggy about my writing sessions at the beginning. Maybe just don’t stress about it when I inevitably feel that…and just wait for it to pass.
Time for sleeps.
Coco is pressed tight up against me. The melatonin is kicking in. I have work to get done tomorrow and I’m…looking forward to it?
Scary.