The recovery proceeds apace.
I was tired today. I took like a two and a half hour nap. I’m definitely still in the process of getting back on my feet, no doubt, and today being a day off was very much needed. Gonna do the same thing tomorrow.
I…am looking forward to being back to normal. Big time. I’m looking forward to writing. Working. I read an article today about how the US has an unhealthy obsession with work. I definitely fall into that category, but I really, truly love what I do. I love writing. Not just “having written.” I love the act of it.
Yes, it terrifies me most days, and yes I avoid it because of those unconscious/conscious fears…but I do love it. And I miss it, terribly, when I don’t get to do it. It’s not just the guilt of having not written. I miss the actual act of it.
It’s the same with DJing. I miss doing it. I was going through old folders today and ran across some of my purchase folders where I had music I’d bought and downloaded to make mixed sets with. I played through them with glee, knowing that there would be many tracks in there I recognized because I’d actually used them in radio shows I’ve now listened to several dozen times, but also because I knew there would be tracks in there that I didn’t use for whatever reason…and they would be fresh and new to me still. Most of those tracks are throwaways, but some of them were wonderful.
I miss it. Putting together a set. Mixing live. I really miss it. It made me look up DJ controllers. You can get them for pretty inexpensive if you’re running them off of a computer. I think I’d want one that could just stand alone, though, and play off a USB drive, leave the computer alone. Those are a little more expensive, but still not crazy. And that’s the thing…
Back when I was playing, they would have been way too expensive. I could never have afforded one, not without some miraculous giant influx of cash, and even then, it would have been irresponsible for me to buy one. But, not now. I make decent enough money these days that I could save up and buy one if I wanted. That’s…crazy. I’m very grateful for that. All of the opportunities that have come my way. I’ve been very fortunate. I’ve had to work my ass off to take advantage of them, to be sure, but I am still very grateful to those who have helped me along the way.
I am so, so looking forward to being fully back up and running. But, like with all things, I must ease myself into it.
Night!