You have to understand that Jean-Luc Picard was my captain. From my earliest age, he was my definition of a leader. He made me feel safe. He was calm, rational, inspiring and tough but loving and kind. He lifted up those around him, he was never cruel. He was learned. Strong. Captain Picard defined integrity and bravery. He wasn’t right all the time, and when he was wrong, he owned up to it. He apologized. He took responsibility. I looked up to Picard as if he were a real person. Like a father.
I still do.
I’m sure Patrick Stewart was a flawed man. But, particularly in the post-Trek years, he showed us all just how much overlap there was between him and the character. Sir Patrick was learned. He was kind. Passionate about wonderful things, brave things, like speaking out against domestic violence and the humane treatment of animals. He loved Shakespeare. He was passionate about the theater. It’s hard for me to define myself without referring to Patrick Stewart and, in particular, Picard. The two shared a lot in common, and I aspired, in my own way, to be like both of them.
I knew this one was going to be a hard one. Ever since Leonard Nimoy passed back in 2015, it was in the back of my mind that this was coming, some day. And that day is today.
Patrick Stewart died today.
We watched All Good Things, which was a bit of a nail on the head since it dealt with dementia, something that Patrick apparently suffered from in the end. But it ends perfectly, that episode, the very last of the TV show: he sits down to play poker with the people he loves, something he should have done a long time before, and then the ship sails off into the stars. It’s not an end. They’re still right there, in that moment, together, an interlude until their next adventure.
I will miss him, but I will never forget him. I think that’s my greatest fear about dying—that I will be forgotten. I suppose it will happen eventually, even for Patrick…but not today. And not tomorrow. Not as long as I live. I will always remember him, I will remember his characters that he embodied and brought to life, and I will try to live up to them.
Rest in peace, sir.
Night night.